Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
