I wanna bring you to show and tell
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
