I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
