Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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