There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
