she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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