Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
