her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
