haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
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