So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
