you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
