You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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