I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
