I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Randomize
