You don't have asthma, your pregnant
...so i touched it.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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