i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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