I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
