Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
