put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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