Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
How naked do you want me to be?
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