aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
my god I love twenty year old dicks
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
