I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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