Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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