Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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