The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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