Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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