Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
