im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
