i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
