i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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