I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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