you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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