I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
