Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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