An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
