I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We just shotgunned beers for America
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
