You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
