i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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