I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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