she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
