96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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