you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
