once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
