Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
