what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
