Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
