Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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