people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize