you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
