I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
