Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
So. Much. Porn.
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