If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
they're like a gay fantastic four
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
