So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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