Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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