K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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