Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
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