one two three fourrrrnication!
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
