Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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