I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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