can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
