I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
