Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
