you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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