You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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