My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
