I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
