the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My ass is underappreciated
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
