Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize