South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
