And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Someone came in the potted fern
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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