Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
