he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
So much rum. So many feels.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
