I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
