i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
