Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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