I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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