Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
and i looked up. we had an audience...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
