also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
