Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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