big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
